What is it?
I ran on a treadmill.
With my coordination I'm lucky I'm still alive.
The recent rains made our trails obscenely muddy and last week I had limited time to squeeze in a trail run AND go to the grocery store so I consulted the devil (you know? The one on your shoulder that pokes his little pitchfork in your ear...) and he said that I should definitely try the treadmill. He said the treadmill would keep my shoes clean AND would make all of my running fantasies come true. The devil can be quite a persuasive fellow you know.
So I ran on the dark side for 45 minutes.
And guess what?
Normally, I just need trees and dirt to be happy running, but THIS required something spectacular to power through the eternal agony. There were no fantasies involved on this treadmill. There were no hot glistening men manifesting out of nowhere. There were no beautiful women to gawk at in front of me. There were no 7 minute miles of running fiyah found. But I learned some stuff. Here are my observations:
- There are lots of blinky lights and buttons - Next time, (if there is ever to be a next time) I will bring a towel to cover all the blinky lights. It distracted me from running.
- I had WAY too much information in front of me - like how long, how far and how fast I had been running. I didn't really give a shit about all that but I couldn't keep myself from reading it. I swear reading all that information just made me more tired.
- My finger should never be used to speed up my legs - Seriously. Anytime I wanted to kick it up a notch and start running faster I had to push a button. WITH MY FINGER. WTF? I should just be able to run faster. With my legs.
- Treadmill doesn't even compare to trail - I don't like to run without trees and dirt. Period. How can people truly enjoy this?
- I was afraid to sprint - for fear that I wouldn't be able to slow down fast enough when my legs fatigued and I started tripping over myself. Cuz I do that in real life. Trip over myself when I run fast. Trust me. Its quite a spectacle. Though, I'm sure it would have provided endless entertainment at the gym on the treadmill.
- Never look anywhere but forward - I looked over to the right when a friend passed by and waved at me. I nearly fell on my face.
- Treadmill running is good mental training - I felt like a caged hamster on a track wheel. There was absolutely nothing to look at. It made me insane. It also made the time go by REALLY slow. I only ran for 45 minutes at a 9:30 pace but it took every inch of mental strength I had to stay on and not stop.
- Stopping the treadmill was a trip - I swear the damn thing was still moving.
- Getting off the treadmill was even trippier - It was like my legs weren't even attached to my body. I felt like I took the red pill.
- Apparently, you can get a good run in on the treadmill - a good, steady, long, boring run.
I really enjoy running, but I had no idea that something I love could suck so bad. I see the treadmill as only a means to an end whereas trail running for me is the journey itself. Who gives a fuck where I end up so long as I find my fiyah and have fun. I know there will be times I will have to buck up and use it, but I hope to make the treadmill a rare training tool in my future.