Friday, March 1, 2013

Well... That's Just Unsafe

From some obscure SEO ranking website.
WARNING: This blog is "Unsafe." Please read with responsibility and at your own risk. You should never attempt anything you read on this blog without the supervision and guidance of a trained professional including: barefoot running, trail running, foam rolling, masturbating, jump roping, snot-rocketing, peeing while standing up, pole dancing, running on a treadmill, doing more than 100 sit-ups while wearing a thong panty, stretching, drinking, pull-ups or breathing. These activities could result in serious harm and injury and no... I'm not a trained professional so don't even ask.

But you already knew that.

So apparently my blog is "unsafe." Probably because it contains the word "naked" in it. Ok. I'll own that. Its probably also unsafe because I talk about my vagina, post pictures of naked people and drop the f-bomb every now and then. OK. I'll own that too. And I'm guessing there aren't a whole lot of "safe" blogs with whole posts devoted to the subject of masturbation injury or running orgasms. Alrighty then. I concede. I'm an "unsafe blogger." I have put you and countless other readers at risk and I apologize for that. I hope you will forgive me. 

But, since we're on the subject of unsafe, there are other things that are more unsafe than my blog. Like...




...running with these people...




or beverages containing 11% or more ABV...




or this stuff...




 or fighting with food sticks. Someone could get their eye poked out...




and most definitely these.

Those are a new pair of Saucony Peregrine 2s. Sexy, huh? At least they didn't sport the Easter egg pastel pink that all the other women's shoes had. I nearly retched trying some of those on. Seriously ladies. Do we really like pink THAT much? Is it necessary to have pristine white and pink shoes? Really? For the trail? Come on. Any shoe that I'm going to wear is going to get mucked over, sweated in, and roughed up. Wearing a pair of white and pink shoes to run trails in is like Girls Night Out. You get all glammed out for the big night only to have three or four drinks spilled on you, your fake eyelashes partially sweated off and that adorable skirt torn at the hem from tripping over that "crack" in the sidewalk that you didn't see while hailing a cab because you were completely shit-faced at 1am in the morning. Seriously. Sometimes I wonder why we bother to get all pretty in the first place. Let's be honest, we're not fooling anyone with our "sexiness" at 1am in the morning. We might as well just dress for the occasion. Track pants and a t-shirt would be more appropriate don't you think? And dump those heels and just go barefoot cuz that's usually the state of shoddedness we're in by the end of the night anyway.

Whew. I didn't see that one coming. Sorry about that.

Back to shoes...

I'm giving those Saucony's the good ol' college try. I've only ran in them a handful of times and can honestly say that moving up in shoes is going to be another "transition" for me. I have been running uber minimal for the last three years (barefoot, huaraches, or my Merrells) and my feet are just not used to running in platform heels. Well, that's what any cushioned shoe seems to feel like at this point.

I took the Peregrines out for a spin the other day. Ran for 5.2 miles at 90% effort. I gotta say, I wasn't so sure about them. I'm still not sure about them. They felt heavy, clumsy and well... totally unsafe. But I've never been completely sold on a shoe after just two or three runs in them. It usually takes me a few runs to get my bearings in a pair of shoes so I'm still open to whatever result they may give me.

And it looks like I may be able to do a comparison of my brand spankin new Sauconys with Merrell's Mix Master, Bare Access 2 and the new Pace Glove 2, which was TOTALLY unexpected. The kind folks at Merrell offered to hook me up with some of their more substantial options to try out. I'm glad they are still willing to be associated with me, cuz I know I can be a little questionable at times.

So it looks like I'll be planning lots of trail running try-outs in the near future. Hopefully of the safe kind.
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5 comments:

  1. haha unsafe...please keep up your unsave opinions...love to read the from the netherlands......

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  2. Shame and Camel Toe was so unsafe and great that I spread the love on my blog of experiencing such unsafe words. Your blog makes me want to be a crasser person.

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    Replies
    1. Hey! Thanks for spreading the love! I hope you were safe. ;-)

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    2. Just in case, I wore condoms on my fingers while typing out.

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